He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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