apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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