After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
