my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
