we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
