no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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