is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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