i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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