i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
