look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
