I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
