it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize