I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
