I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
