I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
