actually, I'm a sock model
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
