There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize