four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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