the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
