oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
