people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
