Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
