If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
