ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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