I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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