I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
