and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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