i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
