So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
