I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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