Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
