No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
