last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
