there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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