never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
