i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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