I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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