i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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