We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
