Im at strip club and am horny
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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