I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
