if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
