I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
