so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
