I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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