There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
