it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
