i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize