He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
