he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
