also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
