so explain again why im purple
no
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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