smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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