last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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