I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
