I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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