Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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