I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
