do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we're making bets on your personal life
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
