can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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