I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
