It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
