yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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