he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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