Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
