hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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