My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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