My first STD was from a foam party
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
