so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
