What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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