Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
