His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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