He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
