Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
