i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
