Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just pee around me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
