Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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